Looking Back

Today was an interesting day. I went to my classroom fulling intending on getting so much work done as school starts the Monday after next and orientation begins this Monday. I, however, made the tragic mistake of bringing a book. As you may have guessed, I ended up reading the entire book instead of working. I wasn't too worried about it as I had arranged to meet my literacy coach at 4:00 to work on improving my teaching this year. However, I ended up spending the next five hours learning to cook (more on that later) than working. During that time at my friend's house, one of the new Teach For America corps members came over. I like her very much and have done everything I can to help smooth this transition for her. However, I have over the last few days become increasingly unnerved by her progress in planning and my decided lack of progress.

It is past 10:00 pm right now and I am sitting in my classroom feeling just like a first-year-teacher. I feel inadequate and unprepared. I feel terrified that I am not going to be successful this year, as the bar set last year was so high. This new teacher is going to be amazing and she is so on top of things. I am honestly overjoyed by this and have done everything I can to get her to that place, but in comparing myself to her, I find myself lacking.

But then I began to read some of the first posts I wrote last year on this blog about my experience moving here and my feelings those first days before school. In doing so, I have been so encouraged. You see, I will undoubtedly fail this year if I try to be successful in my own strength. I have been forgetting that the only reason that we met with such success last year was because I relied on God. He empowered me to make a difference and blessed my classroom beyond all I could ever hope for or imagine. And you know what, I choose not live in fear. I choose to cling to hope and the nature of God. I know that He loves the children even more than I do and I know that He is not done with me yet. And so, I begin this next year the same way as I did last year, crying out to God for strength and wisdom. He is my sustainer, my hope, my everything.

Lord, this is your year.

B