Houston

I have posted in a very long time--the longest since I started this blog. This mostly has to do with time, as I have none of it. Let me give you a brief update.

The school year ended in a blur with me jamming my things in a suitcase, leaving dirty dishes in the sink and whisking away to Houston, Texas to work five weeks on staff with Teach For America as a school operations manager.

I really can't explain my experience here thus far. I am ten days in, but it may as well be 100. It seems like forever and a day since I have seen my children. I constantly forget that I am in fact, a teacher. My life before this seems non-existent. Instead,I faced with the daily reality of my flaws and failings.

For those of you who know me, you realize how ridiculous it is that I am in charge of operational logistics for an entire school. I am disorganized and not detail oriented. I intensely dislike logistics and prefer to work with people. So why am I here? God wants me here. But the question I keep asking myself, as I cry on the floor of my room at nights, is why? Why in the world am I in Texas? I never wanted to be further from a place than here. Though I love the people I work with, my job is such a taxing one, for it brings me little joy. I worked 100 hours last week and will work about 90 this week, but the there have been no fruits to my labor. I still am perpetually unhappy. But what makes this so hard is the fact that I feel like God is a million miles away. I feel like I acted in obedience but was then left, abandoned. Now I know in my head this is not the truth, but right now my heart only feels pain. I can't remember a time where I have been this discouraged for so long.

So, friends, if you think of it, please pray for me.