Dear World: Tell me one more time my children can't learn...I dare you.

Today my children took their fourth unit test of the year in Social Studies--a really big deal in my class. These unit tests cover material from about six weeks of schooling. I grill them over and over again on the material and require them to study a two-page, detailed study guide. The test is very rigorous--not your mother's third grade test, if you know what I mean.

So how did my children do? The third grade averaged a 91%.

Immediately you might think, "It must have been easy" or "She probably helped them on the test." Well, your wrong. These children worked their tails off to earn their grades. I am simply in awe.

One of my students' previous high test grade was a low D. Today, she missed only 2, earning her first A of the quarter. I was nearly bursting with joy. I literally let out a shout of jubilation when I recorded her grade.

Another boy, who frequently refers to himself as 'dumb' almost cracked his face open today, grinning like a fool after earning an A on his test. I was grinning right back at home, unable and unwilling to contain my joy.

God is doing simple incredible things. He is changing lives. Thank you all so much for praying.

Love,

B

So How Do Joy and Sorrow Co-Mingle?

Throughout my travels, a single question has really persisted: how can such deep and full joy co-exist with such indescribable sorrow? This paradox remains a mystery to me as I again asked myself this question.

It was 70 degrees today. My hair was tightly french-braided, my skirt pink and airy and my smile huge. I feel that the arrival of spring is imminent and that brings me a lot of joy. Indeed, I felt such wonderful feelings of hope today.

By lunchtime, the sorrow that is Pine Ridge once again presented itself. One of the school principal's informed me that my aide's niece died today. Now my aide is such a sweet, helpful, decent guy. He already lost his grandmother (a huge deal in Lakota culture) and aunt this year. He also had his house broken into and got beat-up. This morning, he found out his niece died.

Later in the day, I found out we lost one of our high school freshman. Now, I am not certain it was my aide's niece, but it is tragic nonetheless. She was sixteen years old and pregnant. During the night, she had a seizure, which induced vomiting. She choked on her own bile and died.

Death and Pine Ridge Reservation have an intimate relationship that repulses me. How can it be a Heavenly day outside with children giggling in the hallways while children are having children and dying alone in the night? I just don't understand.

But you know what, I don't have to.

More Mumblings About Marriage

Perhaps you are wondering now if this is a blog about the children in Room 170 or the philosophical ponderings of a single woman. Well, if you return to one of my first posts on this blog, you will note that I created this blog in part as a testimony to what God has been doing in my life. Well, God is currently refining how I view marriage so unfortunately for you, I'm going to reflect on this too.

Someone asked me today what I fear most about marriage. This is a good question and one that I think is important to reflect upon. Though this individual told me that being unhappy was their primary fear, I could not echo that sentiment. Though I used to be terrified of having an unhappy marriage, I no longer have that fear. Part of my freedom from this fear came when I realized that the purpose of marriage is ultimately not to make us happy, but to make us holy. Unlike virtually any other relationship, in a marriage relationship, we are reminded of our faults on a daily basis. If we do not submit to the Holy Spirit and allow the Lord to change our hearts, our marriage will no doubt be an unhappy one. But, if we choose to recognize our faults and pray that God gives us the grace to change, we will inevitably become more like Christ. And as we become more like Christ, our marriages will inevitably be more joyful. Thus, our primary aim should not be to seek happiness, but to seek holiness.

Just some thoughts that I have mulled over since reading a book called "Sacred Marriage."

B

Submission: (Warning: I Doubt Most of My Girl Friends Will Like This)

I see a lot of broken homes living on this Rez. In fact, I would venture to say that at least 75% of my children live in homes without fathers. I would say nearly half live with their grandmother. This brokenness of the family has got me thinking about how the family structure was designed to function. In particular, I have been pondering what a husband and wife's relationship should look like.

Somewhere along the way, I started to believe that the idea that a woman should have to submit to her husband was outdated and more of a cultural thing than an applicable command that should be followed today. As I am a very reflective person, I started to ask myself why my hair bristles when someone suggests that a woman should submit to her husband. This is what I came up with:

Whenever I picture myself submitting to my husband, I can almost feel the tension and anger within me. Clearly, in submitting to my husband, I am silencing the call I have in my life and devaluing who I am as a person. Today, after listening to a thought-provoking sermon on Ephesians 5, I realized that the problem with my mental image is that I am always submitting to a beastly husband. Surprised, I transposed ogre husband with a man passionate after God's own heart. Suddenly, I find myself surprised at the realization that I would not only be wiling to submit to a man who loved the Lord and that I respected--I may actually appreciate this.

In all honesty, I can't think of one godly reason why I shouldn't submit to my husband (assuming I marry a godly man). I can't point to a scripture verse that says that I am head of the household. I can't even pretend to think that this would mean giving up the call God has on my life. I know that if God requires this of woman, the opposite would be the case--I would only draw closer to Jesus.

Finally, I think we often forget that men have, perhaps, an even more difficult command than we women. Paul extorts men to "love their wives as Christ loves the church." Wow. Now, I want you to think back to that act of Jesus, washing His disciples feet. Now super-impose that image with your husband. That is what He is called to do for you. Beautiful. Difficult. Amazing.

Thus, I have concluded that my resistance to submission is born not out of a godly fear of not fulfilling what God has called me to fulfill, but of pride. This pride has only been fed by growing up in a culture that boisterously declares that women do not need men. Though I believe that none can complete us by our Savior, I disagree that women do not need men. I think we need each other. I have come to this conclusion after working every day with 30-some children who have grown up without fathers. If you don't believe me, ask one of my father-less students if they would rather have both their father and mother or a super-mom, going-it-alone. I assure you, every time they would pick the father.

Just some thoughts, which may be revised at a later date.

B

He Chooses the Weak

Today I met with my program director for Teach For America. He observed my classroom for an hour or so and we then debriefed afterwards. At this time, he informed me that the children in Room 170 are currently in the position of making more gains in reading than any other classroom in the near 20 year history of Teach For America. That is roughly 20,000 teachers, each teaching for a minimum of two years. That is big.

What makes me laugh is the fact that this is so obviously God you would have to be as dumb as block of wood to think a first-year teacher with no teaching experience could make such gains. It is God choosing the foolish of the world to shame the wise, the weak to shame the strong.

To make this official and give God an incredible amount of glory, my children need to do remarkably well on their reading test coming up in about six weeks. State tests are in just a few weeks. I ask that you would pray for miracles. God is the God of the impossible and to see Him so clearly displaying His intervention would be truly phenomenal. Please, please pray for my babies.

Lord God, I praise you for what you have done and what you will continue to do with your children in Room 170. I just fall on my face before you and praise you for your faithfullness.

Your servant,

B

Praise God

Do you want to know something that is truly incredible? The Bible says that God works ALL things together for the good of those who love Him and have been called according to His purpose. It is just so cool to know that God is taking me through these trials for a reason.

It is so amazing to know that God brought me 3000 miles to meet a little girl, take her into my home and introduce her to her Father in Heaven. What incredible love.

The funny thing about a trial is that it only seems horrendous when your eyes are not on Jesus. When my thoughts are with my Father, I have amazing peace. I can know that if God is for me, who in blazing hell can be against me? NO ONE!

Satan, your time is up! Maria Rapha is a child of Light. She is forgiven and has been redeemed by God Almighty. She will not serve you. She is an instrument of righteousness. I see that you are trying to kill her, but I only rejoice for I know that you must see the potential she has within her to bring many to my Father. Give up now, for she is safe in her Father's hand. You have been defeated. I will not despair. I will not look through human eyes. I trust in my Father. I know that where the Light is, the darkness has to flee. So get out! Your time is up.

From,
A servant of the Most High God

Deep, Deep Anger

At lunch today, Maria Rapha came up to me and said this:

"My grandma says you don't want me anymore." I was very near trembling with the feelings of anguish and rage that swelled up inside of me. I tried to convince her that this was not the case, but when I looked into her eyes, I could see the damage had already been done. She already believed I had discarded her like an old sock. I could have fallen to my knees right there in the middle of the lunch room floor and just wept with grief.

Please pray for Maria Rapha---she needs a touch from Jehovah Rapha.

B