Post the Second

So I am writing another post today. Is that legal or some sort of violation of blogging etiquette?

A lot of very interesting things have been going on in the world of Room 170. Out of respect for the parents of my students, I won't go into many of the details. I will report that our class to a field trip this last Saturday to the movies and had a sleepover afterward. The children really had a great time, though it was challenging for me.

Yesterday, something lovely happened. For some reason, while my children were reading independently, I felt the urge to go to the office for no apparent reason. And so, I left my classroom in the office and immediately noticed two large, brand-new book carts. (They are similar to the one in this picture, only better and black) I immediately asked the secretary who owned them and where I could order some just like them. At that moment, the principal walked in and told me that someone from the high school had ordered them, but nobody was claiming them. She then asked me theses fateful words, "Do you want them?" By that point, I nearly created a puddle of drool after longingly imagining those shiny carts in our classroom. When she asked me if I wanted them, I didn't even try to hide my excitement. I was simply glowing. My principal told me to take them and that she would subtract them from her budget. I nearly ran down the hallway, pushing my carts, fearing she might change her mind. I can't express to you how good they look in my classroom. Plus, they were so needed in my class since my principal gave me $500--yes $500--to buy more books for my classroom library. After getting my book carts yesterday, I spent well over the allotted amount on brand new books to go on our brand new shelves. I am SO excited. More importantly, my children are excited, which is what this is all about.

Isn't God so cool?

B

P.S. A single book cart like the one I got costs around $500!

The Dream: Part II

In the forty-eight hours following the aforementioned dream my friend had, I thought a lot about what the dream could mean. All I could think was that it must have meant that my marriage would follow apart.

But then it hit me: I was neither feeling conviction nor encouragement from this dream. In fact, the only emotion I felt was fear. You see, for a long, long time now, I have had a very serious fear of having what I would call a 'bad marriage.' Some of my friends are quick to dismiss this possibility. However, some of my closest friends on this earth are currently in extremely difficult and painful marriages. These are God-fearing, beautiful, intelligent and wise individuals and each one is going through such a hard time right now. So why should my marriage be any different?

But I have been realizing something over these past few days. My idea of a 'bad' marriage is a bit skewed. When I think "good marriage" I think happy, passionately in love, Christ-centered couples who never--or at least rarely--argue. But more and more, I am wondering if that really is a fair measurement. I now think that I classify marriages as "bad" when the husband and wife cease to strive to be more like Christ and in turn, cease to treat one another as Christ has called us to. It is the struggle and the perseverance that makes the marriage beautiful. In fact, when I think back to each of my friends who are going through the fire in their marriage, each one continues to cling to Jesus and press on. Isn't that even more honorable--or at least equally so--than those couples who encounter smooth sailing for the majority of their marriage. And if I am right in assuming that the purpose of marriage is not to make you happy, but to make you holy, it would seem virtually inevitable that we would undergo times of great struggle and even pain as we are refined into the image of our Creator.

Thus, I have concluded that I am not destined to have a 'bad marriage.' The dream, is likely not from the Lord as it in no way draws me closer to Him, convicts me or encourages me. It just burdened me with a spirit of fear. And so, I have thrown off that burden and am choosing to believe that if God does call me to marry, our marriage will be one in which my husband and I honor one and other and glorify our Father.

B

P.S. Teton told me today that after considering the dream, he now believes it was a projection of the struggles in his own marriage, not a prophecy of what was to come in mine. I think it no coincidence that he told me this after I had begun the process of surrendering my fear to God.

The Dream

There is a man here, a good friend of mine and Lakota activist, who had a dream about me last night. He has been given many dreams throughout his life and says that he has the gift of interpreting them. This is the dream that he had:

He (we'll call him Teton) was at a wedding--my wedding--along with his mother and my fiance. Now Teton's mother died a few years back. She has come to him just a handful of times in dreams, always to deliver a message. He said that her coming meant that her message was important and powerful. Anyway, in this dream, there is a big beautiful wedding cake, covered in candles. Teton's mother asks him to help carry the cake, but when he does, it simply crumbles in his hands. His mother laughs at this. Apparently there is a bit more to the dream, but he didn't expound upon those details. He did say that he clearly saw what my husband looked like, which of course piqued my interest (though I shan't tell you what I learned).

But the dream disturbed me, I am not going to lie. Of course, I immediately deduced that the crumbling cake symbolizing the impending doom of my marriage or of an engagement. And since I am already terrified by the thought that I might have a bad marriage, it unsettled me.

I will admit though, that his next few predictions made me think that perhaps he didn't have such a gift after all. He said that I was going to meet someone tonight. This special person and I were supposed to me at the movies. In fact, he said in a rather cocky manner "Which movie are you going to see tonight." I was getting annoyed and snapped back "None! We are staying in Room 170!" What made me so annoyed, you ask? Well, he told me that name of the person I was supposedly suppose to become romantically entangled with--and it was the father of one of my students! I was absolutely horrified. What shocked me all the more was the fact that he attributed my horror to being caught with a secret crush. It was mortifying for multiple reasons, not the least of which being the impropriety of caring on with the father of one of my students.

Ironically, I did meet that individual tonight. He dropped off his sleeping bag for our sleepover. It was a bit awkward since I still had the 'prophecy' still fresh in my memory. However, I assure that there were no sparks flying!

So, what do you think? Would you attribute any weight to this dream?

A Little Bit of This, A Little Bit of That

For the last several weeks, my children have been completing the South Dakota STEP exam. It is the stat exam mandated by the SD Department of Education. It is what is used to measure AYP (adequate yearly progress) for NCLB (No Child Left Behind). Our children consistently perform poorly. I did not enjoy giving my children the test, nor did they enjoy taking it.

There are very strict rules in administering the test. In fact, I felt as if I was recruiting future CIA operatives rather than simply testing the kids on state standards. The tests are to be kept under lock and key and under no circumstances are the tests or test booklets to be copied. It is all very top secret--code red stuff. That is why it was a very big deal when one of my student's answer sheets went missing today....

It all started innocently enough. My children had finished their tests and much to our relief, we could move on with our academic lives. Eager to get rid of the materials, I carefully examined each child's answer sheets to ensure that everything was bubbled in properly and then place those sheets inside that kids' answer booklet. I did this nineteen times and found that everything was in order. And so, I lugged the huge box down to the Resource Center and turned it over to the testing coordinator, relieved to be finally done...or not.

About fifteen minutes later, I was reading Coraline to my children when I heard a rather ominous knock on our classroom door. In the doorway stood the test coordinator, with a rather concerned look on her face. In a very serious manner, she gestured me to come over to speak with her. I got up quickly, wondering what could possibly be wrong. She then stoically told me, "You are missing one of your student's answer sheets." I shook my head and replied, "I checked every one before I brought it down. You are sure?" Eyes wide, she crisply said, "I'm positive." She then stated the office--that I needed to locate the answer sheet. Not doing so was simply not an option. I could get in big trouble with the SD DOE--as could the school.

I immediately issued a Code Red in my classroom and had ever child search their desks. I even threatened to make all 19 children re-take the test if they failed to locate the missing answer sheet--a threat which I certainly could never make good on. However, my sinful lie seemed to work as the children buzzed with the intensity of the search. Though their were many children who claimed to have found the coveted sheet, they all proved to be merely fools gold. No longer willing to waste time on the search that I suspected with be futile, I sent my aide down to recheck the box. I myself attempted to continue teaching, 'attempted' being the operative word. But after my aide came back and told me that the third search of the box had come back with nothing, I simply couldn't go on. I sent my children into silent reading early and proceeded to exit the room.

As I walked down the hallway towards the Resource Room, I began to pray. My prayer sounded something like this:

"Lord, I need that test to be there. I just can't deal with this right now. Please God, I know that they have checked three times and it wasn't there, but would you just please put there right now? Please?"

When I got to the Resource Room, I had a captive audience. When it became clear that I had no found the test and had only come to search the box myself, I could sense the disapproval. I told the test coordinator that I wished to search the box myself in order to dispel any doubts I had that it was somewhere in my classroom. One by one I began to search the question booklets to see if the answer sheet was someone wedged in there. As I methodically searched, the coordinator began explaining to me the process she used to check everything and firmly conveyed once again that it was not here. As she spoke, I glanced over to the pile of papers in front of her. At that moment, I saw that she was clutching about five pieces of paper in her hand. Beneath the fifth paper, barely peaking out was the answer sheet to the missing student--the child's named boldly scrawled across the top. I let out a cry, and pointed to the paper in victory. As she began to express her surprise, I literally dropped to my knees in front of four staff members and cried out "Thank you God!" It was reflex...and they thought I was crazy. I simply got back to my feet and walked out of the room as they tried to explain how the paper had gotten there. I didn't need to hear. I already knew.

It is Finished

Three of my favorite words ever spoken are those of Jesus on the cross "It is finished." Of course, he still clearly had to rise again, the Holy Spirit to be sent, a whole lot of human history yet to be played out, etc. But Jesus recognized at that moment that the plan of redemption that had been set in motion long before his birth--indeed, immediately following the fall--had reached its pinnacle. God became fully man and experienced all the temptations and struggles that the people he so lovingly created faced on a daily basis. But unlike his beloved but broken creation, he never sinned--not once. What made his perfection so incredibly miraculous was that he was in every sense fully human yet unlike us, he remained fully dependent on the Lord. That utter obedience led him to beatings, betrayal and death. But ultimately, that perfect obedience brought about so much more. Jesus' obedience resulted in his temporary death, but it also ushered in life for all humanity. Did you catch that? His obedience temporarily brought about his death, but permanently brought about life for all humankind. What incredible trust this must have required of Jesus--perfect trust. This is the kind of trust I desire. I want to know with every fiber in my being that to obey will ultimately bring about life. I want to trust my Father. I want so much more than the ashes I am eating.

Sorry...

Yes, I realize that is has been about a billion years since I have updated this blog. The truth, I really haven't been that inspired to write. But, since we are all in this together, I thought it only fair that I update you all.

We were struck by three blizzards in three weeks. As a result, our school system was shut down for an extended length of time. In fact, we have only had four teaching days since March 20. That is bad...really bad.

With the school closures, we were really pressed for time in terms of state testing. I therefore felt like I was leading my children to the slaughter as we took the Reading and Math state tests this week. If the children did perform well, it will certainly be an act of God and nothing else.

Currently I am teaching a new Social Studies unit and the last really important one. We will be diving into Lakota history and culture. I am really, really excited to be teaching it as it so important that the children understand their rich heritage so that they might preserve it.

For spring break, I was supposed to drive home to Montana and spend a few days with one of my best friends who is getting married in June. Sadly, on Friday I woke up with both of my eyes swollen shut with pink eye, my throat an angry red and my lungs congested with gross-ness. Needless to say, my friend had no interest in contracting whatever I had and thus ordered me to stay home. I took my giant-walking-germ-self to the clinic and got an injection and some I drops. I am feeling a bit better today, but still very, very tired.

I've spent Spring Break with my country friends who are staying at the church rectory due to the fact that their road is inaccessible. I've spent nearly all of my time there since they temporarily moved in. I've changed diapers, kissed boo-boos, comforted fevered children, watched movies, cleaned up spills, dyed Easter Eggs, put children in time-out, made dinner, washed dishes and received and given hugs and kisses. It is has been beautiful.

Enjoy your Easter,

B

What About Susie, Sally and Sammy Sue?

Today, two of my students were off task. I called them to my desk to reiterate my instructions. One girl threw her banana peel away as she came forward, so the other reached my desk first. This is the conversation that followed:

“Allie, you need to be either reading or writing. Math is not an option right now.” Allie paused briefly, clearing formulating a response. She then replied, “What about Ruby?” pointing to her classmate that had just joined her at my desk.

Ahh….the question of the ages! Whenever we are caught doing wrong, one of our first reactions is to point the other finger. Why do we do this? Why do I do this? Well, I ironically would like to point my finger…to a man.

This figure pointing game began with a man named Adam. After acting like a coward and saying nothing as his wife falls to sin, God busts the two. When the Lord questions Adam about his actions, he immediately attempts to divert the attention from himself onto his wife—the woman he previously declared the flesh of his flesh and the bone of his bone.

Tragically, we have not learned from our mistakes. We have been casting blame for generations. And it starts so young!

Today, little Allie’s response served as a challenge to me: will I take my own advice to Allie and own up to my bad choices, or will I be like Adam and never own up to my mistakes? I’ll let you know…