Let Me Hold You

I don't know if I have mentioned this before, but God teaches me things about Himself through my interactions with my children. A few days ago, He taught me something powerful that has really got me thinking.

There is a student in my class who is such a sweetheart. She is funny and sometimes goofy, but she is one of my most helpful and faithful students. I appreciate her so much. Well, last week our class started a poetry unit. The students had to write a poem that followed the format: ABCB. For example:


Welcome to Lakota Rapha
The best blog you will ever see
Learn all about the Lakota
And more than you wanted about me.

Most of the students really enjoyed this challenge. However, Luta was not one of them. She was extremely frustrated. I tried over and over again to offer her support, which she usually requests herself. She shunned all of my attempts. When she had written nothing after 45 minutes and the end of writing, I told her she would have to come in during writing. As she returned to her desk, she angrily tossed her notebook onto the table. At that point, I knew for certain we had a problem. I pulled her into the hallway and asked what was going on. She looked so aggressive, her arms crossed and her stance defiant. She wouldn't make eye contact with me and grunted replies to my inquiries. This sort of attitude has only happened twice before with Luta and both times her behavior masked the inner grief born of her young uncle's death. Both of those times she quickly dissolved into tears and was eager for the comfort I offered her. But this time was different. She was defiant, despite her tears. She wouldn't let me get to close to her. I finally told her that she didn't have to tell me what was wrong, but she did have to treat me and her classmates with respect and that I would not tolerate attitude in our classroom. Though I was not satisfied, I told her to wash her face in the bathroom and return to class.

About ten minutes passed and Luta didn't return. However, I nearly tripped over her when I stepped out of the classroom and found her sitting beside the door, tears streaming down her precious little face. I immediately sat down beside her and began to speak words of love over her, begging her to share her burden with me. My heart was just breaking for her as she was literally shaking from her sobbing. Her knees were drawn up to her chest and she clung to them tightly, almost as if they could shield her from the pain of this world. And then I reached over to wrap my arms around my girl. To my absolute shock, she immediately dodged my embrace and drew herself even closer to the corner in which she sat.

At that moment, this thought popped into my head, crystal clear: This is how I often react when God tries to wrap His arms around me.

My heart just broke for Luta and I just couldn't understand why she chose not to receive my love and let me help heal her heart and carry her hurts. And that is exactly what it was--a conscious choice to draw away. And you know, I think God allowed this situation with Luta last week to teach me something about my relationship with Him. How often do I react to God's correction or life's difficulties with a spirit of defiance and rebellion. And even when I sense Abba Father extending His love once more, longing to heal my hurts and draw me close to His heart, how often do I pull away and draw my cloak of pain closer around my shoulders?

I have said it before and I will say it again: It amazes me how God is showing me how He cares through my love for my children. Throughout the day I can sense Him telling me that when I react this way or love a child this way, He feels the same way about me--to an even greater degree! It is all pretty cool...

B