Another School Year

Another school year is just around the bend--Monday of next week. Today in-service began for all teachers.

You would think that with a very successful year under my belt I would feel calm and confident about the year ahead. But the truth is, I think I am far more nervous about this year than last year. My program director says it is because I realize this year what I don't know. I think that is true to an extent. However, I think there is more to it. I think I currently am in the midst of an ugly spiritual battle.

There are indeed a lot of reasons for me to be anxious about this year, or even terrified. At the last minute I was switched from teaching Social Studies to Science, a subject I hated all throughout school. I can't even get started in planning it as the curriculum order got lost and wasn't placed. In addition, I am teaching Math this year which was undoubtedly the most difficult subject for me during my formal education. I also had a very bad experience in teaching it at Institute in Houston last year. Furthermore, the new group of third graders has more than a few children who in the past have struggled behaviorally. I also have a new TFA program director whom I am adjusting to. In addition, we also got three new TFA teachers in the elementary school. Though this is truly wonderful news as more students will receive an excellent education, I am insecure and intimidated and feel like they have it more together than I do. Finally, the bar for me and my children has been set extremely high because of last year's success. It almost seems unattainable. So, these are the reasons why I have been fighting back terror.

Today as I sat in my newly arranged classroom, tears streaming down my face, I realize something: I will most certainly fail. That is, I will most certainly fail if I attempt to repeat last year's success apart from the Lord. You see, I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that my babies learned so much and we were so blessed last year because the Lord was moving in my classroom. I was willing and so He used me. Last year I was praying for months for my future children. This year, all I can think about is how these won't be my first babies and I can't possibly love them as much as my first children. Last year I prayed as I/God picked my class. This year I have been fighting back the impulse to avoid having those students with behavioral challenges in my class. In other words, thus far this year I have relied on my own strength--a recipe for disaster.

And so, I would like to confess my sin and repent and seek God. Please pray with me:

Daddy,

Before the foundation of the earth was formed, you knew that I would one day be a teacher in Kyle, South Dakota. You knew the names of each of the children I would be so fortunate to teach and you always have their best interest at heart. Father I ask that you would forgive me for not remaining in You and seeking your will for this year. Abba I give this year back into your loving hands. I trust you and give the future of every one of my children--your children--to you. I pray that every desire and dream that you have for this year would be fulfilled through me. I ask that I would be obedient without question and faithful when I feel like surrendering. I pray that I would not look to human wisdom, but your wisdom. Oh God, I pray that the children would make supernatural academic growth. But even more than that, I pray that your children would tangibly feel your love this year. Walls will be broken down, deep wounds healed, lies banished. Instead of death, despair and deceit, Love will be poured out, Truth will be spoken and Hope firmly planted in the hearts of your babies. I ask Father is that you would use me this year, even when I don't want to be used. Move in a way that I have never seen before.

In You alone,