Be Opened

Today I have finally got the clue--I have really, really been slipping away from Jesus. In the three weeks since I left South Dakota, I have spent almost zero time communing with Jesus. I could list several excuses but they would all be just that--excuses. You see, there is absolutely no point in me being in Houston, Texas, driving my body into the ground, if it is not for the Kingdom of God. I should just pack up right now if I am going to try to have any impact these next two years if I am going to try it in my own strength.

There is such intense darkness around me yet I have been lulled to sleep. I feel as if I am a heroine in a fantasy novel who has been lulled to sleep by evil, mystical creatures. Sleep is certain death and only a greater power can awake me. But Jesus, the King of Kings has awakened me. I realize, with horror, how selfish I have been these last few weeks. I mourn the time lost with my Father.

My teammates are hurting. Most of them are currently at the gay PRIDE parade here in Houston. I have had trouble adjusting to their lifestyles and thought that by just not participating in their drinking binges or course talk, I was living for Christ. Who was I fooling but myself? Just as a candle cannot shine without a flame, I cannot burn for Christ without remaining in Him.

I ask that you would pray for me. Pray that I would be more faithful than I ever have in my entire life. Pray for teammates who are so lost and are hurting. Pray that I have a heart that is filled with a deep agape-type love for them. And pray for my students, that they may see Jesus in me.

Shalom,

B