Broken

It is amazing how life can nearly rip in two as if time itself has separated. That is what JFK was for our parents generation and 9-11 for mine. But there can also be events--both good and bad that can alter one's life on a more personal level. Perhaps it is the birth of a child, a marriage, a devastating injury. And quite often, I think that this time split occurs with the loss of someone we love.

Late last night, my baby sister told me that we lost our uncle. He had been battling cancer for so long. God had performed so many miracles--he should have been dead long ago, but God kept sparing him. But yesterday, there was no more miracles. Now, I expect you are waiting for me to say that it is okay because he was a passionate believer and now he is at peace. But truth be told, I don't know if that is the case. We had prayed for him for so long and nearly begged him to give his life to the Lord. If he did so, it was something between him and the Lord.

I have always struggled to comfort those who have lost loved ones who do not believe. What hope can I offer them? What hope can I offer my grieving family who does not believe in the Lord? Where was the all-powerful God? To be honest, I don't know.

There are a lot of things I don't know, but there are some things I do know. I know that my uncle was loved by his family. But more than that, I know that he was passionately loved by his Father in Heaven. Even in the midst of one of the most painful moments of my life, I don't doubt the goodness of God. I believe with all of my heart that if my uncle chose not to believe, it was not a result of a lack of love on the part of my Father.

I have wept with survivors of genocide, laughed with former child soldiers, held children born after their mothers were raped. I have seen children so weak with hunger, there very lives faded before me. More than once I have comforted teenagers who were terrified by the fact that they were living with HIV. I have taught students who struggle with missing fathers who have sexually abused them. I have seen so much suffering for being so young. And today, I know what it is like to own that loss. But even in the midst of all of this, I can't doubt the goodness of God. He loves us so passionately. Without a shadow of a doubt, I know that he relentlessly pursues each one of us. He loves us.

"I can count a million times
People asking me how I
Can praise You with all that
I've gone through
The question just amazes me
Can circumstances possibly
Change who I forever am in You

Maybe since my life was changed
Long before these rainy days
It's never really ever crossed my mind
To turn my back on you, oh Lord
My only shelter from the storm
But instead I draw closer through these times
So I pray

Bring me joy, bring me peace
Bring the chance to be free
Bring me anything that brings
You glory And I know there'll
be days When this life brings me pain
But if that's what it takes to
praise You Jesus, bring the rain"

My life is yours, dear Father