Sin

Today has not been a good day. It really started last night. Maria Rapha has a habit of waking me up when I am sleeping--she does it in the early mornings, if I doze off on the couch, or even in the middle of the night. I don't let her sleep in my bed, but in the mornings I let her come in when she wakes up. However, lately she has not been coming in to sleep beside me but to wake me up. So what is the big deal? Well, I am exhausted, pure and simple. I am just so tired and I need every second of sleep I can get so that I can be effective in the classroom. I also am more irritable when I don't get enough sleep.

Last night, I feel asleep on the couch while doing my work. She jumped on top of me and woke me up. Today she woke me up at 6:00 am. It's Saturday. I was very close to being upset. I told her that if she wanted breakfast, she knew where to find it, and tried to go back to bed. She repeatedly came in. I finally dragged myself out of bed, truly irritated.

For most of this day, I have been irritated with her. When she popped the lenses out of my glasses today, I got upset. She was clearly unrepentant and told me that it was an easy problem to fix (actually not the case). In an irritated voice, I told her that she breaks everything she touches, which is not the case. She actually just breaks most of what she touches. Anyway, she went to her room and hasn't come out. She is now sleeping and I don't want to know what kind of mood she will be in when she wakes up.

I am mad at myself. I am very, very mad at myself. She needs unconditional love and I kept pushing her away today because I was annoyed with her. When she was leaning/pushing me on the couch this morning, I made her leave because she was making me fall over. I should have hugged her and told her I love her. What is wrong with me?

As I reflect on this day, I see clearly that my sins can have a very negative influence on Maria Rapha's life. It is sobering and heartbreaking. Why didn't God pick some other person to take care of her? Ideally, that person would have far fewer faults that I do.

We could really use your prayers right now.

B